April 9, 2010
(This column originally appeared in The News-Banner, April 9, 2010)
I am not one to stand on formality, which might explain why I enjoy eating oatmeal for dinner.
If I had my way I might just eat oatmeal three times a day.
Today, I had a banana and a glass of V8.
I never set out to eat healthy. In fact I love a greasy pork chop with a side of bacon as much as the next guy.
But then I see myself on video talking to the Junior Achievement class at Ossian Elementary School. I noticed when I turned sideways I looked, well, rounder than I once did.
That spurred me to switch from Slim Jims and donuts for breakfast to fruit and granola.
The oatmeal thing has been that way since I was a kid. You would think, given how much I like oatmeal, I could retain my athletic physique as I grew older.
That would be true if I didn’t supplement my oatmeal with birthday cake every chance I got.
Thursday I had cake for breakfast.
That wasn’t my fault. Natasha had a birthday (clearly without regard for the rest of us) and Chris brought her a birthday cake (also without regard for the rest of us.)
What else was I to do except eat some of it? To make matters worse I had to have a piece while Chris was watching me. Then I had to have a piece when Natasha was watching. Then, when Paul went for a piece, I had to have a third piece so Paul wouldn’t have to eat alone.
I disgust myself.
To make up for all the cake I decided to jog home from work. I made it as far as the Pak-A-Sak across the street where I stopped for a Twinkie.
So today I am having a banana and a glass of V8.
I am also having a granola bar. Probably a cup of coffee or two. Maybe a burrito for lunch. Then some sort of pasta for dinner.
If the girls are good today I will likely take them to Dairy Queen. But I will only eat one Peanut Buster Parfait, not two.
I work the late shift which means I’ll be eating supper at my desk. Probably going to grab a Spanish Dog and onion rings at Bummies.
But after work, around midnight probably, when everything is quiet and I can focus my mind again, I will have a big heaping bowl of oatmeal.
That has got to be good for me, right?
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